Purim Costumes: Harmless Fun or Serious Legal Problem?
Purim Costumes: Traumatizing Children
Lecture from Moreh r. Michael Bar Ron on Authenticity of Purim Costumes
Purim Costumes & Imitating Pagans : The Legality of it all... What can educators do about it today?
> 1. How old is the custom of wearing costumes on Purim and where did
> it come from? What does RMb"M say on this issue?
I do not know when exactly the custom began, but wearing costumes seems clearly to have originated in Catholic countries, as an influence by the festivities of Lent. The first among Jewish authors to mention this custom is Judah ben Eliezer ha-Levi Minz (d. 1508 at Venice - known as the "Mahari Minz") in his Responsa no. 17, quoted by Moses Isserles on Orach Chayim 696:8. He expresses the opinion that, since the purpose of the masquerade is only merrymaking, it should not be considered a transgression of the Biblical law regarding dress. I know by having done considerable amount of asking elders of different ethnic origins, that throughout the Eastern and Middle Eastern Jewish communities until one hundred and fifty years ago (from India to Morocco), these customs were unheard of.
A righteous, older convert from Christianity who researched the subject, taught me more about what is well known: Before the period of mourning between between Lent and Easter, during which they abstain from meat, Catholics from New Orleans (Mardi Gras) to Rio (Carnival) continue this wild celebration from old Europe. Besides gorging on meat (the reason for the word root "carni"), one of its old trademark customs from among the aristocratic "elite" of Europe, was the ballroom extravaganza: The "Ball" was a pre-Lent festivity, whose participants came in exotic costumes for disguise. This was a part of a wife-swapping game. The idea was that no woman should know who she went home with (the game was "lost" by one who ended up with one's husband). Barukh ha-mavdil bein Yisra'el la-goyim.
I heard that letters exist from the 17th century by a rabbi or two who protested this imitation by Jews of this costume nonsense. It wasn't long, however, before the commonfolk had their way, and the decrepid customs of the European ballroom entered Jewish practice. It seems that it really took off and became commercialized among American Jews, with their own annual "Purim Ball" extravaganzas and "Purimspiels." As this custom became entrenched in Jewish practice, it was not difficult for Jews to find even deep spiritual meaning, connecting costumes and disguises with the themes of Purim.
To my humble understanding and that of the Hakham who showed this to me years ago: As unpopular and horrible as this may sound to many, it seems that dressing up in costumes on and around Purim is none other than the transgression of a negative commandment, "buHuqotheihem lo telekhu"--not to imitate gentiles (especially idolators) in their customs or dress. It is not the imitation of something with a practical function, such as the way we fasten our shirt buttons or our belts are buckled; rather it is something purely "cultural". Neither can one claim (such as many do regarding the long black frock-coats, Hamburger hats, and white shirts garb that European rabbis naturally adapted to imitate the Christian clergy) that this is a custom or dress that has since b! een abandoned by the non-Jews and is now recognized as distinctly Jewish look (HaShem YeraHem).
It should be noted, Borukh HaShem, that here in Israel, some traditional schools of Hassidim do not engage in this. Their yeshiva boys have a simple dress theme every year that is only marked by a wearing Turkish hat. The only pervasive Hillul HaShem (especially according to RMb"M) to which I've found little exception among different groups, is the public drunkenness, even among young teens.
I hope I didn't upset anyone by my stance on Purim costumes, but truth is truth. I believe the day we cease to pursue the sometimes-bitter truth in our service of HaShem, we are finished, Has wa-Shalom.
If any of you with children in Jewish schools feel that it would put too much emotional pressure on the child to reveal this to them, know that my two eldest sons, aged 8 and 5 1/2, were taught the truth about these matters (with great sensivity) from the age of two. Until the age of four we did not send them to pre-school the day of the costume party. From the age of five we do send them, preparing them well ahead of time, giving them plenty of positive reinforcement before and after. Borukh HaShem, they are normal with many friends. They don't look down on the Jewish world around them, but--being educated correctly--rightfully feel sorry for them. Not only do they not miss it one bit, but my brave five-year-old explained the halakhah to his kindergarten teacher! Best! of all, B"H, their teachers respect us.
In short, people can make excuses if they want to, but for whoever is willing to work hard enough to serve HaShem properly, my personal experience shows that HaShem clears a path. Ba li`taher, masayye`in otho (hilkhoth tashuvah, 6:10).
With blessings,
Michael Shelomo
[The concept of "hiding" (as it pertains to Ester or others) was never (originally nor historically) used as a permission to masquerade. Today, this reason has no binding legality in a post-Sanhedrin world. At the very least - if we can't stop kids our kids from dressing up, we can (at least) insist that they choose a PURIM theme.] - Site Admin Comment
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“Parents who buy costumes for babies often do it for themselves," says the psychologist, who works at the Ziv Hospital, located in the northern Galilee city of Tzfat. She suggests parents be especially sensitive to children’s fears and trauma that can develop by wearing unwanted costumes, which parents sometimes insist on to justify what often is an expensive purchase.
Masquerading is a tradition on Purim, when Jews celebrate the topsy-turvy story in the Book of Esther (Megillat Esther), portraying the downfall of the evil Haman who prepared to annihilate Jews in the kingdom of Persia. Queen Esther ”unmasked” Haman’s intentions at a reception she arranged with him and the king.
Adults and older children know Purim as a happy occasion and enjoy masquerading, but many little children cry and suffer from trauma during the holiday, says Kanotopsky. She explains that changing identities is not always good for little children, who are in the process of developing their own identities and need a stable environment.
Trauma and fears from wearing unwanted costumes can affect their self-esteem and security, she adds.
“It is important not to force children to dress up,” according to Kanotopsky, who suggests that parents help get their children acquainted with a costume several days ahead of time and then “let the children play with it” without dressing up.
“If the costume threatens the child, parents should wait until next year and then perhaps he or she will accept it with joy,” she advises. “Sometimes, parents buy costumes because that is how they want to see their child, who is not always interested in the same costume, causing a real crisis.”